I've been working away on my next book. It's a book about ritual. Included in this is a chapter about the journey from cradle to grave that goes into all the well-known and commonly celebrated milestones and a few suggestions for others that aren't necessarily recognised as often. Most of it has been fairly easy to write, but I found myself stopping at one and writing other parts of the book. Over and over again. I kept finding excuses and reasons to avoid writing about this bit. Death.
I have been rather erratic in writing the last few parts of this book. I think I've done most of the bits I'm passionate about and I'm working on the parts that I feel are important to include to make it a well-rounded book. I value the information, but I'm less excited about it. Except for writing about death, I am passionate about that, but for some reason I just kept shying away from it.
Over the last few months, I've been getting nudged from all directions about finishing and publishing this book. I've been told off for self-doubt, I've been nagged by admirers, I've had friends build me up and give me a well-deserved bollocking. I've also had nudges from other powers. Some I've made promises of writing for when this is finished.
So I sat down and started writing. I came round to the Death part again. I chose not to tackle it head on, but start by discussing superstitions, beliefs and expectations surrounding death. So rather quickly it came to all the euphemisms commonly used around mortality.
I hate euphemisms. I'm a big fan of saying what you mean and meaning what you say. To say things like "left us" and "passed over" instead of "died" has always struck me as pussyfooting around the subject and trying to pretend that they're just sleeping and will wake up soon. I put it out there to my facebook friends, trying to understand why using the actual words is considered tasteless, impolite and rude.
Most of the answers began along the lines of softening the blow and that death and dying are harsh words. There were some about respect for the families and sensitivity for how they're feeling. There were the times when "karked it", "kicked the bucket" or "croaked" were considered appropriate. Then there were the answers that made me sit up and pay attention. They were answers that made sense of it all for me. They fit neatly amongst beliefs I already held without realising that there'd been a part of the puzzle missing.
Naming is powerful magic.
This is a feature of many a fantasy story and folklore. Magic users who know the true names of things gain power over those things. Speaking an evil one's name is to attract their attention and can turn their gaze toward you. Never name the well from which you will not drink.
Variations of this are obvious or sometimes hidden in common superstitions. My Granny wouldn't have Arum lilies in the house unless there had been a death in the family. They were a funeral flower and to bring them inside without an accompanying funeral was to invite Death in to take someone.
Touch (or knock on) wood when discussing the expected misfortune that passed you by. Don't bring particular baby gear into the house before the baby is born.
While someone dying or being pregnant seem to be fairly mundane evils, if evil they are, they can still be things that people fear, things that people don't want to attract more of and things that sometimes get anthropomorphic personifications. The Grim Reaper and the Stork. One brings life and the other takes it away.
In the answers to my question was a response from a very wise woman who has spent time on the Isle of Man. She says that no Manx would say "rabbits" or "rats" for fear of the island being over run by them. They call them "short-tailed fellows" and "long-tailed fellows" instead. This one makes me smile rather than annoy me, it's less like the He Who Shall Not Be Named that gives what you fear power over you and more like the Gentry, Shining Ones and Good Neighbours.
Saying Their names aloud is an invitation. If you're in a group, crowd or at a party and you hear your name spoken, you pay attention. Sometimes you might go over to see if whoever said your name was calling you or talking behind your back. This is no different. They might come if you call and most sensible people really don't want Them to come visiting. If They don't actually turn up, They may still turn Their attention towards you. They may be listening.
A Fijian Indian told me that suicides are contagious. There is a demon that hangs around a suicide and takes other young folk to keep their friend company. I don't know if this is a Fijian belief or an Indian belief or specifically her belief - we were dealing with the suicide of a friend so the sources were unimportant at the time. Looking back now, I see a similarity and a connection. In my experience, there are no gentle euphemisms to explain suicide. When someone has been informed that they've lost a loved one, a friend or a workmate, especially if it's sudden and unexpected, one of the first questions is "how?". Usually the answer details the how, as in what method was used. I can't think of a single time that has been softened with euphemism, although that may also possibly be because the friends I've lost to suicide were all boys and men. Statistically, they tend to prefer more violent means.
I think most of us like to believe (even if we don't admit it) that we're immortal. We say silly things that suggest we have some sort of control over the timing of our eventual demise, "I'm not getting life insurance at this stage, it's okay, I don't have any plans to die any time soon" or a favourite from an ex-boyfriend "I don't need to wear my safety gear on my motorbike, I'm not going to have an accident". Facing our impending death usually scares us and generally speaking it's something we can't avoid thinking about when we've just lost someone.
All the euphemisms for Death have probably sprung from similar beliefs. Death, the Grim Reaper, the Dark Angel, Mighty Thanatos has already come calling once, He might still be nearby. Calling to Him might make Him take closer notice of you and yours, He could see something He overlooked the first time. He might decide to take you or your partner or your child.
Best not to call. Let Him carry on His way and pass the rest of us by.
Blessings
Debbie
Friday 25 November 2016
Thursday 18 August 2016
If You Don't Like It, Don't Do It
I know this isn't a new thing, but it's really getting on my nerves lately.
I'm talking about people trying to tell other people how to live. This leaks over into every part of life - there are things like gay marriage, interracial relationships, dietary choices or lack thereof, medical choices or lack thereof and most recently, Pokemon Go.
I don't understand this need to regulate other people's lives or even to concern yourself with choices that really have no impact whatsoever on you - except perhaps that it might make you a little uncomfortable.
Who someone is in love with (and what bits they have), what tv shows they like to watch, whether or not they eat wheat or meat, what car they drive, what they wear or what Gods they worship is none of your business. In no way does it have any effect on your life or your ability to enjoy your life. What seriously is the purpose in trying to dictate to others that they have to be like you? Do you get a kick out of making someone miserable just so you can feel more comfortable around them?
If you feel that someone else's life is offensive to your religious beliefs, then why not leave those judgments and punishments in the hands of the Gods? I'm pretty sure They're more than capable of taking care of things Themselves if something should offend Them.
Personally, I'm not aware of any religion that requires it's followers to make others outside of the religion miserable just to please themselves. Similarly, I'm also not aware of any religion that asks it's followers to be the most obnoxious, self-important prats who constantly try to make the world over in their own image.
If something is against your religion, then don't do it. You don't get to tell others that they have to conform to the ideals of your religion.
If you are vegan or vegetarian (for whatever reason) good for you. Unfortunately, there's a trend amongst vegans particularly to try and push their lifestyle choices onto everyone else as though it's the only healthy option. This is usually supported by cherry-picked bad science that also assumes that everyone's physiology is identical and the dietary needs of one person are identical to the next.
If you don't like eating (or wearing) animal products, then don't. But you don't get to dictate that others have to follow your way. For many people this will make them very sick.
Since I discovered that I was Gluten Intolerant, I've found it truly bizarre not just how many people have an opinion about it but the range of opinions and suggestions I've had. I've heard everything from "this gluten-free stuff is all bullshit" to "it's not the gluten, it's the preservatives they put in white bread (which I didn't eat anyway), you need to make your own bread and you'll be fine" to "You're just being a drama queen".
I don't understand how becoming violently ill if I eat gluten affects you enough for your opinion to be something I should take under serious or any consideration. Unless you're holding my hair for me, I'm going to file you under "dick" in my head.
Unless it's a school which has a dress code or uniform rules or you are employing someone for a job with a dress code or uniform rules, then how someone else dresses, what piercings or tattoos they may have is none of your business.
This whole "dress for the body you have, not the body you want" thing leaves me flabbergasted. All the social media memes about how low-riding or sagging started in prison to show you were "available" or all the blog posts about "what women over 30 should never wear" are all part of the same thing. Why does a complete stranger require your approval? If someone is comfortable and feeling confident and happy in their clothes, then that should be celebrated not condemned.
If you don't like those clothes, those piercings or those tattoos, then don't wear them. You might not like to see their stretch marks or their ribs, they may be bigger or smaller than you feel comfortable seeing, but you don't know their story, you don't get to tell them what they can and can't wear or what they should be doing about their body type.
If someone wants to do a detox diet or use homeopathy or restructure their home for good Feng Shui how is this your problem? Aside from people dangerously neglecting children and pets by failing to seek appropriate medical attention when it's needed or trying to make a cat vegan, anything else is not your problem, it affects you in no possible way and there is nothing useful to be gained by being offended by someone else's choices in these things.
I'm sure you're seeing the theme here. Decide for yourself what you do, let other people do the same. Try to understand why you think that others require your approval and why you think your opinion of their choices or lack of choices should matter to them - would their approval or opinion matter to you?
Voicing your opinions about things like this says more bad things about you than it does about them.
Blessings
Debbie
I'm talking about people trying to tell other people how to live. This leaks over into every part of life - there are things like gay marriage, interracial relationships, dietary choices or lack thereof, medical choices or lack thereof and most recently, Pokemon Go.
I don't understand this need to regulate other people's lives or even to concern yourself with choices that really have no impact whatsoever on you - except perhaps that it might make you a little uncomfortable.
Who someone is in love with (and what bits they have), what tv shows they like to watch, whether or not they eat wheat or meat, what car they drive, what they wear or what Gods they worship is none of your business. In no way does it have any effect on your life or your ability to enjoy your life. What seriously is the purpose in trying to dictate to others that they have to be like you? Do you get a kick out of making someone miserable just so you can feel more comfortable around them?
Objections on Religious Grounds
If you feel that someone else's life is offensive to your religious beliefs, then why not leave those judgments and punishments in the hands of the Gods? I'm pretty sure They're more than capable of taking care of things Themselves if something should offend Them.
Personally, I'm not aware of any religion that requires it's followers to make others outside of the religion miserable just to please themselves. Similarly, I'm also not aware of any religion that asks it's followers to be the most obnoxious, self-important prats who constantly try to make the world over in their own image.
If something is against your religion, then don't do it. You don't get to tell others that they have to conform to the ideals of your religion.
Objections to Food Choices
If you are vegan or vegetarian (for whatever reason) good for you. Unfortunately, there's a trend amongst vegans particularly to try and push their lifestyle choices onto everyone else as though it's the only healthy option. This is usually supported by cherry-picked bad science that also assumes that everyone's physiology is identical and the dietary needs of one person are identical to the next.
If you don't like eating (or wearing) animal products, then don't. But you don't get to dictate that others have to follow your way. For many people this will make them very sick.
Since I discovered that I was Gluten Intolerant, I've found it truly bizarre not just how many people have an opinion about it but the range of opinions and suggestions I've had. I've heard everything from "this gluten-free stuff is all bullshit" to "it's not the gluten, it's the preservatives they put in white bread (which I didn't eat anyway), you need to make your own bread and you'll be fine" to "You're just being a drama queen".
I don't understand how becoming violently ill if I eat gluten affects you enough for your opinion to be something I should take under serious or any consideration. Unless you're holding my hair for me, I'm going to file you under "dick" in my head.
Objections on Aesthetic Grounds
Unless it's a school which has a dress code or uniform rules or you are employing someone for a job with a dress code or uniform rules, then how someone else dresses, what piercings or tattoos they may have is none of your business.
This whole "dress for the body you have, not the body you want" thing leaves me flabbergasted. All the social media memes about how low-riding or sagging started in prison to show you were "available" or all the blog posts about "what women over 30 should never wear" are all part of the same thing. Why does a complete stranger require your approval? If someone is comfortable and feeling confident and happy in their clothes, then that should be celebrated not condemned.
If you don't like those clothes, those piercings or those tattoos, then don't wear them. You might not like to see their stretch marks or their ribs, they may be bigger or smaller than you feel comfortable seeing, but you don't know their story, you don't get to tell them what they can and can't wear or what they should be doing about their body type.
Objections because Science
If someone wants to do a detox diet or use homeopathy or restructure their home for good Feng Shui how is this your problem? Aside from people dangerously neglecting children and pets by failing to seek appropriate medical attention when it's needed or trying to make a cat vegan, anything else is not your problem, it affects you in no possible way and there is nothing useful to be gained by being offended by someone else's choices in these things.
I'm sure you're seeing the theme here. Decide for yourself what you do, let other people do the same. Try to understand why you think that others require your approval and why you think your opinion of their choices or lack of choices should matter to them - would their approval or opinion matter to you?
Voicing your opinions about things like this says more bad things about you than it does about them.
Blessings
Debbie
Monday 15 August 2016
Magic With Jars
I've always been a big proponent of use what you have and find what works. It never ceases to amaze me how often people feel hamstrung by not having the "right" things for the spell they want to perform.
Let me introduce the humble jar. It might be a preserving jar, a plastic peanut butter jar or a large fancy decorative jar. The uses for it are limited only by your imagination. Below I've provided a few ideas to stir up that imagination.
As with any spell, it's important to be clear and specific about what you want. Vague spells get vague (or no) results. Charging, empowering, energising (however you look at it or whatever you call it) is also absolutely essential. Otherwise, it's no different to the jar on the windowsill that all the little stuff (buttons, pins, paperclips) that might be useful one day gets stored in.
Any of these could be stand alone work or used in conjunction with any other type of spell.
Honey and Sugar Jars (or bowls or saucers) for sweetening people are common in Hoodoo, Rootwork and American Folk Magic.
Write the name of the person needing sweetening and place it in the jar. Alternatively, you can combine petition magic with this and write a letter or explanation of the situation that needs sweetening. Fill the jar with sugar, honey, molasses, syrups, jams - anything that is sweet can work.
Some dress a candle and burn that on top or beside the jar, some do this repeatedly until they get their results.
This can be used for a job spell to make the potential employer favour you, to attract someone to you, to resolve conflict in your favour, in court cases, to soothe someone who is upset at you or to stop or prevent abuse of any sort against you. Any situation where someone needs a little sweetening up.
This is a well-known and common jar spell used for personal (and family) protection.
Fill a jar with nails, broken glass, sharp and nasty stuff. Fill it with your own urine, add some blood or hair or other bodily fluids. Seal it and tuck it away hidden somewhere on your property. Under the floor, inside a wall or buried in the garden are popular places.
The personal links act as a decoy for you. Anything sent your way goes to the jar instead of you, then the sharp nasties trap it there and tear it apart.
Any money spell can work in a jar. Fill it with money drawing components, add a magnet and some coins. Be specific about how you want money to come to you. You could add your spare change to this when you think of it and have a magnifying component. You could write yourself fake cheques from the "Bank of Life". You could add a money powder or bank statements or something to represent goals that you need money for.
It might help to decorate the jar and leave it somewhere you can see it often.
Leave the lid off or you will block the money from coming to you.
A jar can work in place of both poppet and thing to contain or bind the poppet. Put the person inside the jar (photo, personal links, names or a poppet), you could bind the jar, or bind the links inside the jar.
This can also be used to calm someone down when they're a bit over the top in any fashion. I know a lady who "bottles" her husband when his exuberance gets to be too much.
The jar could be filled with sharp nasties as in the Protection Jar, poisonous or thorny plant matter, animal faeces, toxic or unpleasant insects or their houses (ant hills, wasp nests, spider webs) or any other unpleasant items you can think of. Add the person's name, photo, a personal link or sample of their handwriting. You could also add water collected during a thunderstorm or black water from a septic tank.
I'm sure by now, you can see a pattern. Put your spell components or sympathetic components into the jar, add your target or purpose, charge it up and seal. This list is only a few ideas that I see or use most commonly, use your imagination for any other uses.
Blessings
Debbie
Let me introduce the humble jar. It might be a preserving jar, a plastic peanut butter jar or a large fancy decorative jar. The uses for it are limited only by your imagination. Below I've provided a few ideas to stir up that imagination.
As with any spell, it's important to be clear and specific about what you want. Vague spells get vague (or no) results. Charging, empowering, energising (however you look at it or whatever you call it) is also absolutely essential. Otherwise, it's no different to the jar on the windowsill that all the little stuff (buttons, pins, paperclips) that might be useful one day gets stored in.
Any of these could be stand alone work or used in conjunction with any other type of spell.
Honey Jar
Honey and Sugar Jars (or bowls or saucers) for sweetening people are common in Hoodoo, Rootwork and American Folk Magic.
Write the name of the person needing sweetening and place it in the jar. Alternatively, you can combine petition magic with this and write a letter or explanation of the situation that needs sweetening. Fill the jar with sugar, honey, molasses, syrups, jams - anything that is sweet can work.
Some dress a candle and burn that on top or beside the jar, some do this repeatedly until they get their results.
This can be used for a job spell to make the potential employer favour you, to attract someone to you, to resolve conflict in your favour, in court cases, to soothe someone who is upset at you or to stop or prevent abuse of any sort against you. Any situation where someone needs a little sweetening up.
Protection Jar (also known as a Witches Bottle or Bellarmine Jar)
This is a well-known and common jar spell used for personal (and family) protection.
Fill a jar with nails, broken glass, sharp and nasty stuff. Fill it with your own urine, add some blood or hair or other bodily fluids. Seal it and tuck it away hidden somewhere on your property. Under the floor, inside a wall or buried in the garden are popular places.
The personal links act as a decoy for you. Anything sent your way goes to the jar instead of you, then the sharp nasties trap it there and tear it apart.
Money Jar
Any money spell can work in a jar. Fill it with money drawing components, add a magnet and some coins. Be specific about how you want money to come to you. You could add your spare change to this when you think of it and have a magnifying component. You could write yourself fake cheques from the "Bank of Life". You could add a money powder or bank statements or something to represent goals that you need money for.
It might help to decorate the jar and leave it somewhere you can see it often.
Leave the lid off or you will block the money from coming to you.
Binding Jar
A jar can work in place of both poppet and thing to contain or bind the poppet. Put the person inside the jar (photo, personal links, names or a poppet), you could bind the jar, or bind the links inside the jar.
This can also be used to calm someone down when they're a bit over the top in any fashion. I know a lady who "bottles" her husband when his exuberance gets to be too much.
Curse Jar
A curse jar can be a specific one curse only item or for repeated usage.The jar could be filled with sharp nasties as in the Protection Jar, poisonous or thorny plant matter, animal faeces, toxic or unpleasant insects or their houses (ant hills, wasp nests, spider webs) or any other unpleasant items you can think of. Add the person's name, photo, a personal link or sample of their handwriting. You could also add water collected during a thunderstorm or black water from a septic tank.
I'm sure by now, you can see a pattern. Put your spell components or sympathetic components into the jar, add your target or purpose, charge it up and seal. This list is only a few ideas that I see or use most commonly, use your imagination for any other uses.
Blessings
Debbie
Monday 23 May 2016
Lenses and Filters
There's a person I've kind of known for some time now. Let's call them Fred. In the last few weeks, I've been talking with Fred more often and I have found myself realising that Fred is actually a good person and I really do like them. That might not sound like a big thing to realise, I know. But there is surprise with that realisation. I'm surprised to find that I like Fred. I am surprised to find that they're really a good person. This made me think.
It came to me that most of my interaction with Fred up until recently has been coloured by another person. We'll call them George. George has known Fred for longer than I have and doesn't have a particularly high opinion of them.
It shocked me that I'd only seen Fred through the lens of George's opinion. I had thought after being caught out by this sort of thing in the past, I'd learned from it. I had thought I'd be better able to recognise it.
It then occurred to me that seeing many things in life is often coloured by the lenses and filters provided by other people. This is a huge part of the conditioning we receive as children - our parents ideals and opinions shape the way we see the world, then the teaching we get at school, the books we read and the tv channels we choose to watch.
As an adult, I like to think that I'm past all that. Question everything is a huge part of my personal philosophy and I know I drive a lot of people a little bit nuts by questioning things they take as gospel. I play Devil's Advocate often when someone says something that I'm sure they haven't thought through very well. So it really did shock me when I realised that I'd allowed this to happen.
Why am I writing about this on a Pagan/Witchcraft blog? Because I feel it's relevant. Much of my frustration with the idiocies I have to deal with as an admin online comes from, I believe, the lenses and filters that people have. There are a heap of dreadful authors out there - this isn't news, I'm sure - many decent groups have a "recommended reading" section and a "books/authors to avoid" section. While we're busy bagging Silver RavenWolf, DJ Conway and Edain McCoy, there are still times when they were the first things we read and we still see our paths through the filters they initially provided.
This may be and probably is an unconscious thing for most of us. We haven't thought about where an aversion to something comes from, why we shy away from certain types of work or the way we still tend to think of Goddess as a generic all-encompassing Divine Feminine Cosmic Barbie Doll.
For me, much of my early days were Dianic. I found it unfulfilling and unbalanced and I found myself besieged by bestial masculine Gods who demanded Their share of my attention. But every now and then I still find myself seeing things from a Dianic point of view.
I think if we make a conscious effort to examine our ideas and beliefs every now and then we can take away the rosy tint, fuzzy focus or blinkers that our early learnings have placed over and around our vision. Make an effort to consider the whys and hows of what we think.
It can be brutal, I'm not going to lie to you. Any time you go through a process of honest self-examination, there are things you find that challenge the picture you have of yourself, that show you up to be not the person you think you are or aspire to be. The trick is to accept it, learn from it, change what needs changing and move on. If you allow yourself to wallow in self-loathing (which is easy to do), then it turns into a blame and punish situation rather than an opportunity to learn and grow.
Blessings
Debbie
It came to me that most of my interaction with Fred up until recently has been coloured by another person. We'll call them George. George has known Fred for longer than I have and doesn't have a particularly high opinion of them.
It shocked me that I'd only seen Fred through the lens of George's opinion. I had thought after being caught out by this sort of thing in the past, I'd learned from it. I had thought I'd be better able to recognise it.
It then occurred to me that seeing many things in life is often coloured by the lenses and filters provided by other people. This is a huge part of the conditioning we receive as children - our parents ideals and opinions shape the way we see the world, then the teaching we get at school, the books we read and the tv channels we choose to watch.
As an adult, I like to think that I'm past all that. Question everything is a huge part of my personal philosophy and I know I drive a lot of people a little bit nuts by questioning things they take as gospel. I play Devil's Advocate often when someone says something that I'm sure they haven't thought through very well. So it really did shock me when I realised that I'd allowed this to happen.
Why am I writing about this on a Pagan/Witchcraft blog? Because I feel it's relevant. Much of my frustration with the idiocies I have to deal with as an admin online comes from, I believe, the lenses and filters that people have. There are a heap of dreadful authors out there - this isn't news, I'm sure - many decent groups have a "recommended reading" section and a "books/authors to avoid" section. While we're busy bagging Silver RavenWolf, DJ Conway and Edain McCoy, there are still times when they were the first things we read and we still see our paths through the filters they initially provided.
This may be and probably is an unconscious thing for most of us. We haven't thought about where an aversion to something comes from, why we shy away from certain types of work or the way we still tend to think of Goddess as a generic all-encompassing Divine Feminine Cosmic Barbie Doll.
For me, much of my early days were Dianic. I found it unfulfilling and unbalanced and I found myself besieged by bestial masculine Gods who demanded Their share of my attention. But every now and then I still find myself seeing things from a Dianic point of view.
I think if we make a conscious effort to examine our ideas and beliefs every now and then we can take away the rosy tint, fuzzy focus or blinkers that our early learnings have placed over and around our vision. Make an effort to consider the whys and hows of what we think.
It can be brutal, I'm not going to lie to you. Any time you go through a process of honest self-examination, there are things you find that challenge the picture you have of yourself, that show you up to be not the person you think you are or aspire to be. The trick is to accept it, learn from it, change what needs changing and move on. If you allow yourself to wallow in self-loathing (which is easy to do), then it turns into a blame and punish situation rather than an opportunity to learn and grow.
Blessings
Debbie
Wednesday 30 March 2016
Please stop calling them ISIS
Small rant.
They have been referred to as a few different names including ISIS and ISIL. Both of these attempt to legitimise their claims as they stand for the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, and the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (an archaic term used to describe the lands around Syria which includes modern day Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Palestine and Jordan). They are a terrorist group not a state and aside from corrupting the use of a Goddess' name, calling them the Islamic State is what they want, so I'll not do it.
I know on a whole it's a small inconvenience for me to have to change how I google something or to be questioned if I worship Isis when asked. (Yes one deluded individual actually argued with me about my support of a terrorist organisation). But please, stop calling them ISIS. Call them Daesh, call them monsters, call them bastards or arseholes or any number of other expletives but please don't call them by a name they want and stop besmirching the name of the Goddess Isis.
I love Isis... She's my patron Goddess and showed me the door to the pagan world so many years ago. (Yes I know the Isis vs Aset argument but this isn't about that).
I'm currently writing a short story for submission to an anthology about dark gods and benevolent ones with dark sides so I'm writing a story featuring Isis' shadow side. Without going into details I thought I'd do a quick google search for possible weapons She might use.
In my naivety (and before engaging my brain) I googled 'weapons used by Isis'. NEVER do this. I'm sure I'm now on some FBI watch list. Yes I can google weapons used by Goddess Isis but I am just ranting about my disapproval of the name of a Goddess being corrupted by this terrorist group.
I know on a whole it's a small inconvenience for me to have to change how I google something or to be questioned if I worship Isis when asked. (Yes one deluded individual actually argued with me about my support of a terrorist organisation). But please, stop calling them ISIS. Call them Daesh, call them monsters, call them bastards or arseholes or any number of other expletives but please don't call them by a name they want and stop besmirching the name of the Goddess Isis.
Tuesday 22 March 2016
Why I Don't Run Pagan Events Anymore
Luana and I spent roughly ten years off and on running Pagan Coffee Meets. I saw great events happening in other parts of the country and went through a resentful and wistful patch of "why isn't there anything like that happening here?". Then one day I thought about it more sensibly and decided that if I wanted one, I should start one.
I advertised my first coffee meet in New Zealand forums (this was back in Eziboard days, well before facebook was a thing) and also on Meetup. I spoke to local shop owners and left my number so anyone interested could contact me.
Meetup decided there weren't enough numbers responding on it's page and officially cancelled it, but we went anyway. It was attended purely by my friends. There were five of us in total, having a drink in a quiet corner of the Dux de Lux and we spent most of it planning our next ritual since it was effectively a meeting of our ritual group.
I chose not to be disheartened by it and planned another for next month. We had a phenomenal turn out for Christchurch. 20 new people came along. I was excited by this, I felt validated and justified in giving it another go. Then I learned that many of them had come along because they'd been told that last time we'd sat around backstabbing others in the local community and bitching about people. They'd come to set us straight on a few things.
I can only assume that there was some other meeting going on that we'd been confused with. It had only been our little group and there hadn't been anyone close enough to eavesdrop on our conversation. I didn't know many other people in the Christchurch Pagan Community to gossip about and neither did any but one of our group. To this day, I've never learned where this had come from.
After a few months, the New Zealand Pagan Centre was created and we chose to come under it's umbrella, continuing coffee meets that were advertised through it's network. The NZPC soon turned into what can only be described as a clusterfuck and stopped running in anything but name. We continued our coffee meets. We had a great core group that met every month. We'd moved to the Coffee House and the staff there had gotten to know us very well.
When Luana and I created Cauldrons, we began to advertise the coffee meets through our website. We changed the time to lunchtime on Saturday and had another great group of people start to come along. We got up to a fairly consistent 10 - 20 people at each meet and caused several connections and friendships to form between people just wanting one or two others to befriend and practice with.
I stopped Coffee Meets when the earthquakes destroyed the central city. I did look at other surrounding areas but they were always too problematic for people. Buses and carpooling were just too hard it would seem. Then I moved out of Christchurch anyway.
After a few years, someone was asking about Coffee Meets again in a local facebook group. He didn't know enough people and wasn't confident to start one himself, but was adamant he'd turn up if one was offered. Several other locals echoed his words. So I set one up. I advertised it, I posted reminders several times leading up to it. And I sat there with my close friend and oldest daughter as not one of the buggers turned up. Well, I had a lovely visit and nice lunch in the sun anyway.
We were also asked on a fairly regular basis about holding a Festival. We'd both travelled to and worked at other Festivals in other parts of the country, so we set about organising one.
The budget was rather prohibitive. We found a rather low-cost but also low-amenity venue, but getting public liability insurance was a nightmare - it took over half of our total budget in the end.
We chose not to try and get big overseas names to speak as there was no way we'd be able to afford to pay for their travel alone, never mind any of the other normally associated costs. We put it out there for anyone in the local community who wanted to share their wisdom. It was our thought that there was a lot of local talent that went unregarded.
Two weeks out from the Festival, we had four confirmed and paid for bookings. That's four people in total. Two of them were children. We had more volunteers who we'd promised a very cheap weekend to in return for working for most of it. We were reaching the last cancel-without-paying-full-price date and getting nervous. A last minute appeal to everyone brought in enough last minute bookings to make going ahead worthwhile.
We'd contacted a local coven to run a ritual as we didn't want that added stress on top of our first festival. Two members of the coven stayed for the whole weekend, the remainder turned up for the day of their ritual.
Now there are always things that happen unexpectedly. I don't think it's possible to plan for every eventuality. Our only real issue was that the main Saturday night feast was late by nearly an hour. Four different spit-roasted meats. It was that or we risked undercooked chicken and pork as part of the feast. I overheard some rather rude snark and bitching about it as though it was a deliberate insult to these people.
I thought everything else went reasonably well, most of the feedback was positive. The only complaint that was ever said directly to us was that it wasn't long enough, can we pick a long weekend next time? But I still have stuff come back to me indirectly about that weekend.
We've run another three Festivals, each with their own drama queens making them memorable for the wrong reasons. Each with small hiccups but mostly they've run smoothly.
Each with associated snark and bitchiness that followed. Sometimes from people who have never attended a single one we've run.
A friend tried to set one up in her separate part of the country. She was getting close to the last date she could cancel by without paying full price for the venue and had two bookings. That sounded familiar, so I was lending support and experience. Someone piped up and told her she just needed to be more understanding because that person was a "last-minute person" and that was just the way she was. When I pointed out how rude and disrespectful such an attitude was to the organiser, I was blasted as being "negative" and "the wrong sort".
There are always a few volunteers that go above and beyond what is expected of them. They are people to be treasured, even though they'll usually just humbly tell you it was nothing when you express your gratitude. There are equally always a few that can never be found when they have jobs to do or will refuse to wipe the dishes, sweep a floor, clean the loos or even check toilet paper levels.
So as you can probably tell, by now I'm rather wary about doing anything like this. People piss and moan about how there's nothing in their area, but when there is, they don't support it by turning up. When they do turn up, they piss and moan about how they could have done a better job, or this was wrong or that was done badly or they invent issues to bitch and backstab about.
For the time being anyway. I'm done. You want events, you organise them. I have enough to do without trying to cater for a community that doesn't respect the time, money, blood, sweat and tears that goes into any event.
Debbie
I advertised my first coffee meet in New Zealand forums (this was back in Eziboard days, well before facebook was a thing) and also on Meetup. I spoke to local shop owners and left my number so anyone interested could contact me.
Meetup decided there weren't enough numbers responding on it's page and officially cancelled it, but we went anyway. It was attended purely by my friends. There were five of us in total, having a drink in a quiet corner of the Dux de Lux and we spent most of it planning our next ritual since it was effectively a meeting of our ritual group.
I chose not to be disheartened by it and planned another for next month. We had a phenomenal turn out for Christchurch. 20 new people came along. I was excited by this, I felt validated and justified in giving it another go. Then I learned that many of them had come along because they'd been told that last time we'd sat around backstabbing others in the local community and bitching about people. They'd come to set us straight on a few things.
I can only assume that there was some other meeting going on that we'd been confused with. It had only been our little group and there hadn't been anyone close enough to eavesdrop on our conversation. I didn't know many other people in the Christchurch Pagan Community to gossip about and neither did any but one of our group. To this day, I've never learned where this had come from.
After a few months, the New Zealand Pagan Centre was created and we chose to come under it's umbrella, continuing coffee meets that were advertised through it's network. The NZPC soon turned into what can only be described as a clusterfuck and stopped running in anything but name. We continued our coffee meets. We had a great core group that met every month. We'd moved to the Coffee House and the staff there had gotten to know us very well.
When Luana and I created Cauldrons, we began to advertise the coffee meets through our website. We changed the time to lunchtime on Saturday and had another great group of people start to come along. We got up to a fairly consistent 10 - 20 people at each meet and caused several connections and friendships to form between people just wanting one or two others to befriend and practice with.
I stopped Coffee Meets when the earthquakes destroyed the central city. I did look at other surrounding areas but they were always too problematic for people. Buses and carpooling were just too hard it would seem. Then I moved out of Christchurch anyway.
After a few years, someone was asking about Coffee Meets again in a local facebook group. He didn't know enough people and wasn't confident to start one himself, but was adamant he'd turn up if one was offered. Several other locals echoed his words. So I set one up. I advertised it, I posted reminders several times leading up to it. And I sat there with my close friend and oldest daughter as not one of the buggers turned up. Well, I had a lovely visit and nice lunch in the sun anyway.
We were also asked on a fairly regular basis about holding a Festival. We'd both travelled to and worked at other Festivals in other parts of the country, so we set about organising one.
The budget was rather prohibitive. We found a rather low-cost but also low-amenity venue, but getting public liability insurance was a nightmare - it took over half of our total budget in the end.
We chose not to try and get big overseas names to speak as there was no way we'd be able to afford to pay for their travel alone, never mind any of the other normally associated costs. We put it out there for anyone in the local community who wanted to share their wisdom. It was our thought that there was a lot of local talent that went unregarded.
Two weeks out from the Festival, we had four confirmed and paid for bookings. That's four people in total. Two of them were children. We had more volunteers who we'd promised a very cheap weekend to in return for working for most of it. We were reaching the last cancel-without-paying-full-price date and getting nervous. A last minute appeal to everyone brought in enough last minute bookings to make going ahead worthwhile.
We'd contacted a local coven to run a ritual as we didn't want that added stress on top of our first festival. Two members of the coven stayed for the whole weekend, the remainder turned up for the day of their ritual.
Now there are always things that happen unexpectedly. I don't think it's possible to plan for every eventuality. Our only real issue was that the main Saturday night feast was late by nearly an hour. Four different spit-roasted meats. It was that or we risked undercooked chicken and pork as part of the feast. I overheard some rather rude snark and bitching about it as though it was a deliberate insult to these people.
I thought everything else went reasonably well, most of the feedback was positive. The only complaint that was ever said directly to us was that it wasn't long enough, can we pick a long weekend next time? But I still have stuff come back to me indirectly about that weekend.
We've run another three Festivals, each with their own drama queens making them memorable for the wrong reasons. Each with small hiccups but mostly they've run smoothly.
Each with associated snark and bitchiness that followed. Sometimes from people who have never attended a single one we've run.
A friend tried to set one up in her separate part of the country. She was getting close to the last date she could cancel by without paying full price for the venue and had two bookings. That sounded familiar, so I was lending support and experience. Someone piped up and told her she just needed to be more understanding because that person was a "last-minute person" and that was just the way she was. When I pointed out how rude and disrespectful such an attitude was to the organiser, I was blasted as being "negative" and "the wrong sort".
There are always a few volunteers that go above and beyond what is expected of them. They are people to be treasured, even though they'll usually just humbly tell you it was nothing when you express your gratitude. There are equally always a few that can never be found when they have jobs to do or will refuse to wipe the dishes, sweep a floor, clean the loos or even check toilet paper levels.
So as you can probably tell, by now I'm rather wary about doing anything like this. People piss and moan about how there's nothing in their area, but when there is, they don't support it by turning up. When they do turn up, they piss and moan about how they could have done a better job, or this was wrong or that was done badly or they invent issues to bitch and backstab about.
For the time being anyway. I'm done. You want events, you organise them. I have enough to do without trying to cater for a community that doesn't respect the time, money, blood, sweat and tears that goes into any event.
Debbie
Thursday 10 March 2016
Warning Signs That a Leader or Teacher Might Be Unhealthy For You
I started to write a big long essay about warning signs in Pagan and magical groups (both online and in meatspace). Then I found Morgan Drake Eckstein's The top thirteen signs that a leader or esoteric group might be too rotten to bother with.
He covers it so much better than I would although I do want to add a few things to this. For a start, a perusal of :
The Advanced Bonewits' Cult Danger Evaluation Frame and see how it fits with the group that you're looking at. It can be scary how many facebook groups tick too many of these boxes, never mind offline groups that meet in person.
I'd also look at how questions are treated.
I ask a lot of questions. Sometimes it's because I don't understand how you managed to come to that conclusion and I'm trying to figure out the whys and wherefores. Sometimes it's to see if we're using the same word but have different meanings. Sometimes it's because I've never heard of what it is you're talking about and I'm always keen for a learning experience. And sometimes because by making you think about the questions I'm asking, I'm hoping you'll figure some things out for yourself.
The responses I get can be very telling of whether you're someone worth listening to, someone to just ignore or someone to run from. And I'm not just talking about the content of the response. I'm talking about the way in which the response comes.
Does the response seem angry? (As in "how dare you" rather than projected emotion). Does it seem to make them nervous? Does it get ignored or brushed off? Do you suddenly have a lot of others jumping in to tell you off for asking? Does it get treated as 'negativity' or 'being a smart arse'? Do you find your question has been deleted? Do you get a lot of waffly ramblings that skate around it but don't actually answer your question?
I treat all of these as warning signs. Sometimes it's warning you that they don't really know what they claim to know but won't admit it and sometimes it's a warning that you're dealing with a megalomaniac who's trying to control everyone. Sometimes it's a warning that there are mental health issues going on.
A worthwhile teacher or leader doesn't mind being questioned. As long as it's done with respect and not as a demand or expectation.
Another one that Morgan touches on but I wish to expand further is the following:
Morgan is speaking more of Ceremonial Lodges than the average pagan or witchcraft group, but this does carry over. The point I wish to highlight in this is the last part - all their knowledge comes from Secret Chiefs that only they are spiritually and magically advanced enough to meet. I've met self-appointed leaders who get all their information from "their guides" or "the Gods" or some special spirit they've channelled. Unless there is some way to verify the information, be very very careful.
A prime example of this type of thing is the Ramtha Cult.
One I've experienced claimed she had a channelled message from "the Goddess" for everyone at our ritual. I've never found the Gods shy about making their wishes known to me, they've never used the flowery "dear one" type language when talking to me and the instructions (and yes they were instructions) fit neatly in with what the channeller had been pushing for, but were completely against the direction my Gods had been pushing me. I left that ritual angry at her for her attempted manipulation of everyone present and for believing that we would be gullible enough to fall for it.
I'm sure there's more I've missed, I'm sure there's stuff that's become other people's personal red flags. These are just the main ones that I've experienced.
Blessings
Debbie
He covers it so much better than I would although I do want to add a few things to this. For a start, a perusal of :
The Advanced Bonewits' Cult Danger Evaluation Frame and see how it fits with the group that you're looking at. It can be scary how many facebook groups tick too many of these boxes, never mind offline groups that meet in person.
I'd also look at how questions are treated.
I ask a lot of questions. Sometimes it's because I don't understand how you managed to come to that conclusion and I'm trying to figure out the whys and wherefores. Sometimes it's to see if we're using the same word but have different meanings. Sometimes it's because I've never heard of what it is you're talking about and I'm always keen for a learning experience. And sometimes because by making you think about the questions I'm asking, I'm hoping you'll figure some things out for yourself.
The responses I get can be very telling of whether you're someone worth listening to, someone to just ignore or someone to run from. And I'm not just talking about the content of the response. I'm talking about the way in which the response comes.
Does the response seem angry? (As in "how dare you" rather than projected emotion). Does it seem to make them nervous? Does it get ignored or brushed off? Do you suddenly have a lot of others jumping in to tell you off for asking? Does it get treated as 'negativity' or 'being a smart arse'? Do you find your question has been deleted? Do you get a lot of waffly ramblings that skate around it but don't actually answer your question?
I treat all of these as warning signs. Sometimes it's warning you that they don't really know what they claim to know but won't admit it and sometimes it's a warning that you're dealing with a megalomaniac who's trying to control everyone. Sometimes it's a warning that there are mental health issues going on.
A worthwhile teacher or leader doesn't mind being questioned. As long as it's done with respect and not as a demand or expectation.
Another one that Morgan touches on but I wish to expand further is the following:
5. Does not cite sources – magical and spiritual knowledge does not grow in a vacuum. A leader or teacher who never mentions who taught them or the books that they have read is guilty of trying to conceal their past. If they try to conceal their past, then what else are they hiding? Especially troublesome are those who claim that all their knowledge comes from Secret Chiefs that only they are spiritually and magically advanced enough to meet.
Morgan is speaking more of Ceremonial Lodges than the average pagan or witchcraft group, but this does carry over. The point I wish to highlight in this is the last part - all their knowledge comes from Secret Chiefs that only they are spiritually and magically advanced enough to meet. I've met self-appointed leaders who get all their information from "their guides" or "the Gods" or some special spirit they've channelled. Unless there is some way to verify the information, be very very careful.
A prime example of this type of thing is the Ramtha Cult.
One I've experienced claimed she had a channelled message from "the Goddess" for everyone at our ritual. I've never found the Gods shy about making their wishes known to me, they've never used the flowery "dear one" type language when talking to me and the instructions (and yes they were instructions) fit neatly in with what the channeller had been pushing for, but were completely against the direction my Gods had been pushing me. I left that ritual angry at her for her attempted manipulation of everyone present and for believing that we would be gullible enough to fall for it.
I'm sure there's more I've missed, I'm sure there's stuff that's become other people's personal red flags. These are just the main ones that I've experienced.
Blessings
Debbie
Tuesday 19 January 2016
UPG and Weather Magic
Yesterday, in a group I admin, someone posted looking for others to help them with controlling the weather. They rambled on about jet streams and that we're doing it unconsciously anyway, why not make conscious changes. It also became clear that we weren't talking about holding off rain for an outdoor wedding, we were talking about working on a global scale.
Aside from all the obvious "Why would you?" and "That's above my pay grade" type responses, there were also the expected smile, nod and back away slowly.
I'm sure we've all met someone who claims and possibly even believes that they can affect the weather on a grand scale. One chap I met a few years ago, rang me to tell me that he was responsible for the fine weather we had last week and seemed to honestly expect me to thank him and show some kind of homage. Most of the time, it falls under the heading of UPG - Unverifiable Personal Gnosis - they may be sure their work created that change, but there is no way to prove it and it is therefore impossible to know whether they did it or whether it's pure fantasy.
Thing is, this question and the initial discussion came just before I went out to milk my cow. As I slogged through the cold rain and mud to my leaky milking shed, it occurred to me that this is the wettest Summer I can remember.
Last Summer we had a crippling drought. We couldn't mow lawns for fear of hitting a stone and striking a spark, it didn't really matter because they dried out so much that they didn't grow enough to be worth mowing for a whole year. Animal feed and hay was like gold. Local farmers were destocking to the point of sending their prize breeding animals to the freezing works. This Summer was expected to be worse, with a prediction of a 95% chance of the worst El Nino Summer ever recorded.
I've had several friends from normally wetter parts of the country tell me they were working to send their nuisance rain down to our part where the drought was making national news. And the last few weeks have been mostly notable for the rainfall. Sometimes it's just light rain - the good sort that soaks into the ground and sometimes it's heavy downpours, but there has been more rain than dry weather.
It is possible that the last six months of drought predictions were wrong, or something in the natural weather patterns changed drastically - so drastically that the East Coast is getting all the rain expected for the West Coast, but part of me finds it terribly unlikely.
So at what point do I go from thinking of weather magic on a grand scale as being delusional fantasy and start being more impressed by their skills? How could I know that it is their weather magic and not the combined prayers of thousands of farmers? Is there any way to tell?
Thoughtful Blessings
Debbie
Aside from all the obvious "Why would you?" and "That's above my pay grade" type responses, there were also the expected smile, nod and back away slowly.
I'm sure we've all met someone who claims and possibly even believes that they can affect the weather on a grand scale. One chap I met a few years ago, rang me to tell me that he was responsible for the fine weather we had last week and seemed to honestly expect me to thank him and show some kind of homage. Most of the time, it falls under the heading of UPG - Unverifiable Personal Gnosis - they may be sure their work created that change, but there is no way to prove it and it is therefore impossible to know whether they did it or whether it's pure fantasy.
Thing is, this question and the initial discussion came just before I went out to milk my cow. As I slogged through the cold rain and mud to my leaky milking shed, it occurred to me that this is the wettest Summer I can remember.
Last Summer we had a crippling drought. We couldn't mow lawns for fear of hitting a stone and striking a spark, it didn't really matter because they dried out so much that they didn't grow enough to be worth mowing for a whole year. Animal feed and hay was like gold. Local farmers were destocking to the point of sending their prize breeding animals to the freezing works. This Summer was expected to be worse, with a prediction of a 95% chance of the worst El Nino Summer ever recorded.
I've had several friends from normally wetter parts of the country tell me they were working to send their nuisance rain down to our part where the drought was making national news. And the last few weeks have been mostly notable for the rainfall. Sometimes it's just light rain - the good sort that soaks into the ground and sometimes it's heavy downpours, but there has been more rain than dry weather.
It is possible that the last six months of drought predictions were wrong, or something in the natural weather patterns changed drastically - so drastically that the East Coast is getting all the rain expected for the West Coast, but part of me finds it terribly unlikely.
So at what point do I go from thinking of weather magic on a grand scale as being delusional fantasy and start being more impressed by their skills? How could I know that it is their weather magic and not the combined prayers of thousands of farmers? Is there any way to tell?
Thoughtful Blessings
Debbie
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